Things you didnt know

 Covid.kami ada kuarantin full.tutup semua pa.

You didnt get to know and see your little grand son and grand daughters. Ada baby debra, baby brandon sama baby vennyta pa.. Bapa x sempat nampak dorang.

 Oneil sud habis spm pa..i was proud of him.walaupun keputusan xla sebaik mana.tapi x la seburuk yg disangka. 🤣🤣🤣 Like you said,he was a brilliant person.x belajar pun bole lulus pa. 🤣🤣🤣

Me transformed to a complete woman.sy rambut panjang suda.pandai suda bemekap.pakai baju perempuan.dulu bapa ingat ka?bapa pernah cakap sm sy,jadi la perempuan.. 😆 sy jadi perempuan suda ni pa..

Me doing stupid act.but i already left it for good.i remember your sayings "dont ever have the feelings of wanting something that belongs to someone else." I was stupid as usual. 😆 Waiting for you to scold at me.drinking alot.being so drunk.waiting for you to fetch me as usual.

I am still stupid as before.i am still the one you used to know,pa.bingung2.not knowing what should i do when i already know i was doing so wrong.kenapa bapa x datang dlm mimpi sy p marah sy?sy kan anak bapa..i was waiting to meet you.tp mgkn bapa malu lagi kan.x pandai habis2 kasi malu bapa.

Semua cucu2 bapa makin besar suda pa.you didnt get to witness.sy pun makin tua suda pa.banyak kedut sana sini. 😆 Ingat lagi,dulu kalau birthday sy,bapa yg paling last wish.sambil bapa cakap,bila betambah lagi 1 tahun umur sy,bapa pun betambah juga.. 😭 

Nasib sy ada anak2 kan pa.kalau teda sy ikut bapa lama suda..kasi kawan bapa sbb bapa ckp bapa takut kan?kalau sy ikut bapa,bole juga kita takut sama2..kan pa? 🤣😆 Bapa selalu bilang,kesian dorg oneil.jadi la mama.sy x pernah jd mama yg baik kan pa?jd anak yg baik apatah lagi. 🤦💆

Betul o org cakap,yg paling sedih itu yg paling banyak dosa.sy mau post bersedih minta maaf,pun xda juga guna.bukan bapa baca.post i love you,bukan bapa baca.mau kasi tingu siapa?xpayah tunjuk ba kan pa?sy selalu rindu bapa.sy sayang bapa lebih dr siapapun.tipuuuuu.kalau sayang kenapa x dengar cakap bapa? 🤣 Sy pernah cakap dulu sm bapa,waktu sy masi study di jauh sana,sy sms bapa mcm anak derhaka "you will always have a special place in my heart." Mcm si budu pula tu bila sy ingat. 🤣 Kenapa la sy lalui kehidupan begitu. 💆🤦 Benci sy ingat perangai sy time tu.xpandai paham kesakitan bapa.i truly hate me.

Bapa bilang, "teda suda semua tu..x payah ko rasa bersalah atau berdosa.ingat masa depan saja skg.pikir masa depan." Dulu bapa masi ada,x pula sy mau ingat semua.bila bapa teda,mati2 mau ingat even 1 patah perkataan pun keluar dr mulut bapa.paluinya la kan pa?

Bila bapa teda,honestly sy hilang arah.dulu sy selalu baik saja.org jahat sm sy pun,sy senyum ja.sbb sy tau sy ada bapa support di belakang sy kalau ada apa2.skg sy rasa sy defensive pa.there are times,i am sometimes too much.begitu ba bapa mau dr dulu kan?bapa suka perempuan yang who can take care of their own,who can defend their own.thats what you dont witness now.i become so defensive now.no it doesnt mean i blamed you.tp sy rasa skg im really on my own now.so i became abit heartless.its not your fault pa.sy tua suda.sy ja yg pilih apa sy jadi.teda kena mengena sama cara bapa kasi besar sy ka apa..teda pa..im sorry if i made you feel that way.skg kalau org jahat sm sy 1 kali,sy jd lebih jahat lagi lebih 1000000 kali.hahahah.puas hati. 🤣😆 Ok bapa x suka dengar.ok stop x payah suda cakap tu.

Sy cuma harap skg,sy jalan mcm bapa juga..sebaik bapa..bila jalan,anak2 suda bole hidup sendiri..itu ja sy harap.bapa has done a really great job as a father.perfectly as a human being.i want to be like you.you are always my inspiration.my top idol.

I will remember all what youve done for me.i will be good.walaupun mulut mcm paloi. 🤣😆 Bapa kenal sy kan?i wont give up on life easily.i will keep on fighting.i want to be like you.always you,pa.im your biggest fan.

Im enjoying life as i can.i will be happy always,for you..salam sayang utk bapa di sana.sy tertanya2 selalu,bapa di mana suda?x biasa x dengar berita bapa. 😆 Tercari2..bapa bilang,suda tua tp masi lg mcm budak2. 😆 Jangan ba bapa cakap begitu.sy suka manja sama bapa ba saja.itu la sy begjtu. 😆🤣 Kalau bapa masi sini,mgkn sy pun belum juga matang2 sampai tua bangka.sorry pa..banyak betul bapa susah pasal sy dr sy kecil.sy menangis ja hari ni pa.xtau la kenapa.birthday bapa pun jauh lagi.mgkn itu la ba,banyak dosa sama bapa kan.sedih la x kena tempat atau masa.sampai ni malam pun nangis teresak2.sedih betul sy ingat bapa.sy rinduuuuuuuuu ba sm bapa..

Lama sy x p kubur bapa.bapa tunggu sy ka?ada ka bapa nampak sy datang lawat bapa?nanti sy datang balik lawat bapa aa.sy tau bapa x suka nampak kami sedih2 atau menangis.ya la..bapa suka kami kuat.sy ada masa2 ja ba pa.bukan sepanjang masa.hilang bapa ba tu.bukan perkara kecil.tp bila sy pikir,bapa suda free dr tu problem dunia,dr tu kanser,dr sy problem banyak..sy trus happy balik utk bapa.

Pa,kalau nanti tiba masa sy mau jalan,bapa datang aa..fetch sy..sbb bapa tau jalan kan?sy pun takut tu pa..bapa bawa sy sama2 bapa aa..jangan lagi kasi tinggal sy.nanti kita sama2 la tunggu yg lain datang menyusul.teda ba ni agama lain2 kan pa?bapa di sana suda kan?x apa ba kan agama lain2?bole ba kan sama2 pa?sy takut..sbb dulu bapa bilang "nanti  kami semua ken kubur di tempat yg sama..ko saja lain." 😭😭😭 Sy mau ikut bapa ba..bawa sy aa pa..sy mau ada di mana bapa ada..