Idk what to believe anymore dad.idk,I dont understand,how come?how come we lost you anyway.my mind can never accept.tho how many million times people keep saying ur gone.are u really gone?

Im so sorry dad.ive never had the thought in mind to make u happy.I was rebellious.im such a bad daughter.im sorry u had me.u deserves better.better than this life.I get myself drunk everyday.makes me feel better.at least I can sleep good without thinking.with minds empty.tho I can hear u saying,dont sleep so good.

Ik I will be gone too,someday,somehow.can u help me to understand,how did we lost u?how come?and when?cuz I hate to remember the moment.it hurts so much.7 months after u gone and we lost kurt.good thing ure not here to witness this.idk how u will handle this.but I think if ur still here u will do ur best to not let this things happened.im so sad dad.and I lost hope.can u show me the way to heal?

I love u dad.with all my heart.everythings not the same anymore.seeing old people still living a happy life is hurtful to me.think I forgot how to cry now.I cried a million times and it cant bring u back anyway so its no use.living my life either.nothing is ever useful anymore.seeing u dead,who would want to see that?who would ever want to witness the death of their loved ones?NO ONE!

And here I am.im useless dad.as always.I never understand why God take u home.idk.I dont even know what happened.I hated it.I hated the moment we lost u.I hated the moment when we trying to keep u alive tho we know its hopeless.

Is God that bad?we were taught how good God is.I was raised in a catholic.I am always a catholic.nothing can ever change that.I wanna be there where ur at.it has always been a great dream for me.id be honored to die and be buried next to u.

Does it ever exist?the afterlife?nobody knowS!

It it that cruel and bad?all ik im missing u.everdat and second in my life.I WOULD DIE FOR YOU.

I wish to stay drunk whenever.it makes me feel really good.so ill get tired and get to sleep without thinking if anything.

God please help me.I need your help.