Ashes

Ashes - Celine Dion

I remember I used to listen to this song over and over again. Starting from November 23rd, 2018. Thats when the doctors made the appointment to see us all and talk about dads condition. I was scared overthinking about what they might tell us. I cant even sleep well. I cried at my offices bathroom. When I got that news from my sister, I was at work. And I cant speak about it to people around me. It saddens us to death. The darkest moment has finally came.

Its been almost 3 months now. Dad has gone to meet God. I mean, I never thought it was that fast. Feels like yesterday I washed the wheelchair for dad, feed him.. I still feel so sad. We still.

I dont know what else to think.

And I hated that song now. As it said can beauty come out of ashes. Theres no more beauty. Only ashes. I have never hoped or wished anything pretty can come after dads gone.

Christmas is around the corner, dad. And nothing will ever be the same anymore without you. I never want to celebrate my birthday ever again. I swear. I hated my birthday now. I still remember how I felt. Losing you was never easy. I was filled with all tears. We all were. The worse birthday I ever had in my life. That was my last birthday. Thinking you have gone alone without anyone companying you, thinking you were scared and alone, with all darkness surrounding you on your way to meet God, our Creator. I wish I could go along with you. To company you so you wont be alone. This sadness can never be cured ever.

I still remember seeing you in tears when the first time you heard Aki has gone. You were infront of the tv playing games. You were so quiet. And I saw tears rolling on your face. Nobody understands that. I feel you now dad. I feel so sorry. But I never told you I saw that.

Rest in peace dad.. Rest in peace.. Rest in love.. Rest in love. May God the almighty forgive all your sins and take you along with Him. May God have mercy on your soul.