Vision

My vision to my future has faded now. I dont even know what to do anymore. Whatever I was about to do, was to make my dad proud of me. And now weve lost it all. I lost the cause, the source, my spirit, I never know I could lose you this fast. I havent done anything yet you have gone forever. I do know that my time will come eventually. I believe that. But im not sure anymore if we can ever be together again. Thats the thing that make me sad most of the time.

I do know my kids deserve better than this. As what dad has done for us, I should do the same for my kids. But, its not the same anymore. I have always had someone who really cared about me all these while. Who cared if I live or die. I mean I do know I still have my kids. And the rest of my family. Like I have all my hands, my feet, my body and all. But I dont have the head with me anymore. Its that feelings I was talking about.

If dad can see this, I dont ever want him to see me this way. I never want him to be sad. Maybe it will take some time. A very long time. Maybe till I die. I dont even know anymore. I dont know whats supposed to think or feel anymore.

I been the luckiest girl in the world to have such dad. But I lost him now in this world. I dont know how long will this be. I always remember how he struggled to live. Hurts me so bad. I been knocked down so hard. I cant believe I lost you. I can never believe we have lost you. And I didnt want to question God, for He knows. I used to believe thes a reason for everything that happened. Not anymore. Its just random. I just believe we have burdened dad so bad.